Have you ever heard the phrase curious compassion? I recently came across this intriguing term while listening to an Ed Mylett podcast featuring Dr. Paul Conti — and it stopped me mid-workout. It’s a simple combination of words, yet it opens the door to something powerful: a mindset that blends self-compassion, empathy, and curiosity. In today’s fast-paced, often judgmental world, developing compassion for ourselves and others can be a challenge. But adding curiosity to the mix changes everything.
In this article, we’ll explore what curious compassion really means — starting with the importance of self-compassion, how it lays the foundation for kindness toward others, and how curiosity deepens our ability to connect. Whether you’re on a journey of personal growth, seeking to improve your relationships, or just trying to understand yourself better, embracing curious compassion might be exactly what you need.
Compassion toward ourselves
Compassion toward ourselves is a big thing, which I never used to think about until just some years ago. So, apparently, it doesn’t always come natural to everyone, at least with this kind of an emphasis. But it’s important. When we stop the brutal self-criticism and negative self-talk, that many of us are (I also used to be) experts at, it becomes easier to forgive and accept ourselves for our shortcomings, mistakes and failures. Self-compassion fosters understanding, kindness, and patience within ourselves. As a consequence, it can improve our mental and emotional well-being.
Compassion toward others
This is a good foundation for compassion toward others, too. When we feel good (or at least “ok”) about ourselves, it’s much easier to have grace on others. Did you notice that when you’re having a bad day, it’s quite natural to be grumpy and harsh with others, too?
Self-acceptance reduces harsh self-judgment, making us less judgmental toward others and more inclined to respond with warmth and support. Self-compassion fosters a kind of resilience and an emotional strength for ourselves, with which we can cope better in many of life’s challenges and setbacks, with others, too.
“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.”
— Christopher Germer
Having compassion for self and others are related.
And curiosity?
So, what about curiosity: how does that add to the mix? Curiosity enhances compassion by encouraging us to explore and understand other people’s experiences and emotions without judgment. It’s about having an attitude that doesn’t know everything. It’s being on “the lookout” for new things, a new awareness of what’s going around us, and what the people around us might be thinking or feeling. It’s having our “antennas up” to potentially pick up new signals, to see things from new perspectives.
When we’re curious, we ask questions and listen actively, showing genuine interest in someone’s perspective. Such an open-minded approach helps us see beyond assumptions, building empathy and connection. In essence, curiosity drives us to seek deeper understanding, which is at the heart of compassionate responses.
Putting it together
“Curious compassion”, then, is a blend of genuine empathy and open-minded exploration to what others are thinking and what they want to communicate. When we engage with curious compassion, we’re not just acknowledging someone’s feelings but are also eager to learn about their perspective and journey.
Curious compassion creates an atmosphere where it’s easy for people to be authentic, as they feel truly seen and valued.
So, what about this idea of developing a curious compassion toward yourself, first of all?
And then, what could curious compassion look like, as it will naturally start flowing more toward those around you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this one 🙂
-Walter
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Note: I have recently started as a certified coach (Finnish work-life coaching association, STOry), doing Professional and Personal Coaching. Professionally, I help individuals and work-teams to think about their work-life, team-work, and everything related to work. On the personal side, people seek me out during transition phases in their lives, with questions related to their work-life balance, and also (and not least) to help harness more of their potential in life! Feel free to reach out and I would love to tell you more about different types of coaching that might benefit you or your team.
Photos: Pexels and Unsplash
